Hansel Und Gretel

Behind The Scenes Information
Fairy Tale: Hansel & Gretel

Drink: Don't Remember But There Definetily Was Weed Involved

Characters: Stephen Chit Heth, Chuck The Fuque & The FBI

Voices: Damian, Youri & Gene

Music: A Friend by Spiritual Senses

Written by: Jacob Ludwig Karl Grimm & Wilhelm Karl Grimm

Tale Time
Next to a great forest there lived a poor woodcutter who had come upon such hard times that he could scarcely provide daily bread for his wife and his two children, Hansel and Gretel. Finally he could no longer even manage this, and he did not know where to turn for help.

One evening as he was lying in bed worrying about his problems, like a bitch, his wife said to him, "Listen, man, early tomorrow take the two children, give each of them exactly no bread, like nothing at all, you understand? then lead them into the middle of thickest part of the woods, make a fire for them, and leave them die."

"No, woman," said the man, "I cannot bring myself to abandon my own children to wild animals that would quickly tear them to pieces."

"That's the idea dumbass," she said, "If you don't do it, all of us will starve together," and she gave him no piece until he said yes.

The two children were still awake during the conversation.

Gretel, like the little bitch that she is, started crying "My mommy doesn't love me anymore!"

"Shut the fuck up," said hansel, "We need to grow the fuck up. We're about to be thrown into the thickest part of the woods, with exactly no food, like nothing at all, and be left there to be torn to pieces by some fucking honeybear or some shit, so shut the fuck up."

The next morning the mother came and woke them both before sunrise, "Get up, faggots. We are going into the woods. Here is a little piece of bread. Take care and save it until midday."

Gretel put the bread under her apron, because Hansel's pockets were full of stones, and they set forth into the woods.

After they had walked a little way, Hansel began stopping again and again because he's a scared little bitch. And he's looking back toward the house. Because he's a scared little bitch and gets homesick really fast.

The father said, "Hansel, why are you such a pussy? Pay attention now, and keep up with us."

"Oh, father, I am scared because i overheard your conversation. I don't want you to leave me."

The mother said "Fuck you! Yer goin' to die." (And yes, she's all scotting now.)

However, Hansel had not been paying attention at all. And basically was walking like 30-40 feet behind them or some shit. And he got lost on his own.

When they arrived in the middle of the woods, the father said, "You faggots gather some wood, and I will make a fire so we won't freeze."

Hansel and Gretel gathered together some twigs, a pile as high as a small mountain.

They set it afire, and when the flames were burning well, the mother said, "Lie down, breath everything that comes out of the fire and, slowely breath out. So you're gonna start to feel really good soon."

Hansel and Gretel sat by the fire until midday, and then smoked that grass. Gretel was really feeling it now, because she saw a wolf. But this wolf wasn't in her head, because weed doesn't make you hallucinate.

The wolf said "Hello there, little children. I see you got some weed. Could you spare some for me?"

Gretel said "No, fuck you. This is my weed."

Hansel told him to fuck off or he would make him eat his own balls.

But the wolf said "Jokes on you. I ain't got any."

But then Hansel said "Well if you don't get the fuck out now, I will find them and make you eat them. Do you understand?"

The wolf ran away, because he knew Hansel was serious. He could see it in the look of his eyes. His shiny eyes. His blue shiny eyes might i add.

The wolf couldn't keep his red dull eyes off of Hansel's blue shiny eyes. He knew these were the eyes of purity. Superiority. Not to forget Hansel's blonde curly hair. You know he hadn't washed himself in weeks but still it reflected so shiny from the sun. This was clearly an arisch child.

The wolf wanted a grasp of Hansel's arisch superiority. So he started playing with Hansel's blonde curly hair. But Hansel did not approve of this faggotry.

"I fucking warned ye, mate." he said, as he started abusing the wolf.

But for some reason, the wolf was enjoying this. He too could not explain what it is, but he just did.

Hansel pulled a rock from out of his pocket and started throwing them at the wolf. Which ofcourse turned the wolf on even further.

The wolf started stroking down below but he noticed he doesn't have anything down there, as the third little pig has shot off his balls and the huntsman has cut off his dick to give to some schizophrenic lady.

Hansel laughed at him and said "Dickless niga, go back into the forest."

And so the wolf ran away.

At midday, Gretel was finally done being stoned with Hansel. Because the weed has worked out.

Midday passed, and evening passed, but no one came to get the poor children.

Hansel felt comfortable around Gretel, and said "Wait, when the moon comes up I will be behind the bushes, waiting for you with my pants down."

The moon came up. But when hansel was ready to go behind the bushes, Gretel sat on his face.

Hansel tried to get her off but Gretel was really in the mood to show Hansel who is boss.

Hansel thought that he would still be able to breath down there so he stopped struggling. Until he started noticing a lack of oxygen and started to struggle again.

"If you don't sit still," said Gretel, "I will show you hell"

Hansel didn't care because he knew it couldn't get worse then this. And so she queefed in his mouth.

The next day, they walked through the forest looking for mommy and daddy. Until they found a crackhouse.

Hansel knocked on the door and got a rather strange response coming from the other side.

"Nipple Nipple, Little mouse. Who is Niffling in my house?"

As the door opened and an old hag walked out, Gretel looked that bitch straight in the eyes as she said "This is our swamp now!"

The old hag shook her head and said, "Oh, you dumb faggots, what do you think for yourselves? Come inside with me, and i will show you how it's done, the right way."

She hasn't had spicy little children knock at her door for quite some time, so she was overjoyed that Hansel and Gretel had found their way to her.

Early the next morning, before Hansel and Gretel awoke, she got up, went to their beds, and looked at the two of them lying there so peacefully.

"Ssssh," she said, "Don't stuggle, please don't fight. Everything is gonna be fine tonight."

She grabbed Hansel and put him in a little stall, and when he awoke, he found himself in a cage, locked up like a young dog, and he could walk only a few steps.

Then she shook Gretel and yelled, "Get up, faggot! Fetch water. Go into the kitchen and cook something for me to eat. Your brother is locked in that stall there. I want to lude him up, and when he is horney I am going to fuck him. For now, you are my little bitch."

Gretel was frightened and cried, but like the bitch that she is, she had to do what the witch demanded.

After four weeks, one evening she said to Gretel, "Hurry up and fetch some water. Whether your brother is horney enough now or not, tomorrow I am going to fuck him."

Gretel stood in the kitchen and cried tears of blood and thought that it would have been better if wild animals had devoured them in the woods, for then they would at least have died together and would not now be suffering so, and she herself would not have to be boiling the water.

Gretel ran to Hansel and unlocked his door.

He jumped out, and they kissed each other and were overjoyed.

"But now we must leave," said Hansel, "and get out of these witch-woods."

After walking a few hours they arrived at a large body of water.

"We cannot get across," said Hansel. "I cannot see a walkway or a bridge."

"There are no boats here," answered Gretel, "but there is a dickless wolf swimming. If I ask it, it will help us across."

Then she called out "Dickless wolf, We are not necessarily sorry but accept this apology and help us to the other side."

The wolf came up to them, and Hansel climbed onto it, then asked his little sister to sit down next to him.

The wolf helped them out, and when they were safely on the other side, and had walked on a little while, the woods grew more and more familiar to them, and finally they saw the father's house in the distance. They began to run, rushed inside, and threw their arms around the father's neck.

The father rejoiced when he saw them once more, for he had not had a happy day since they had been gone, and now he was a rich man. However, the mother had died. So that means noone is around to boss him around.

Now all their cares were at an end; The father, the two children, and even the wolf. and they lived happily ever after.

My Tale is done, A mouse has run.

And whoever finds this book. Please remember;

You're mom gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy!!!!